Heads I Win, Tails You Lose

For one of the few times in my life, I find myself at a loss for words. Which, really, is kind of a scary concept for one so thoroughly Irish as I am; you know, that whole thing about Irishmen being blessed with the gift of gab and all. On the other hand, while some might view a mick being confounded on what to say as a tragedy, others might view it as a blessing.

Actually, it's not so much that I don't know what to say as it is that whatever I do say is not only not going to be appreciated, it's going to fall on deaf ears. Ah, but I've neglected to tell just what it is that gives rise to this line of thought.

Today is December 22, the "last" day, so to speak. The last day of what? Why, the last day on which my friend's ponzi scheme she's involved in was supposed to pay out, of course. You see, the individual running this little ploy very solemnly promised that everyone would be "paid out" between the 18th and 22nd of this month. Insert pained sigh here.

Naturally, as I had predicted before, no one actually got "paid" except the - and I'm being gentle here - douchebag at the top of this particular pyramid. Which, of course, is how pyramid schemes work. The immoral prey upon the gullible, and there isn't a whole lot that anybody can do about that.

I'm not sure how much money my friend threw away on this particular gambit, nor do I really care. For her "investment," she was convinced that she was going to make $100,000.00 for herself, $48,000.00 for her husband, and $12,500.00 for me. Yes, that's right, she bought into three "slots" in this scheme.

Oh, those dreams of internet wealth. To her, this wasn't a ponzi scheme doomed to see her taken to the cleaners, but an "investment opportunity." That's right folks, your $5,000.00 today could be $300,000.00 in only three months, and you don't have to do anything other than try and convince some other poor saps to fork over their cash.

Come on, I can't be the only one who sees something wrong with this. Really, it's the oldest trick in the book, the old something for (relatively) nothing scam. I still have trouble believing that people are really that gullible, even though I am living with proof of that assertion. On the one hand, I can't talk this person out of such things, and on the other, I can't shoot the people responsible. Frustrating, to say the least.

The thing is, even though I am not the one who participated in this scheme - I didn't hand over any money - I am not unaffected by the fallout. Over the past year, I've given my friend over $10,000.00 - cash I really could not afford to part with - in order to pay off her Federal income tax debt and delinquent property taxes. And why did she and her husband not have the money to take care of those debts? Because she threw it away, and keeps on throwing it away, on these asinine internet schemes that a six-year-old would know are scams.

Now, I know I'm never going to see that money again. Ten grand may not be much in the big picture, but it was all I had, almost my entire savings. Nor is it like I can make it up; I can't work, and Disability barely pays for all the medications I have to take for my various illnesses. Which is what really pisses me off: that someone would call upon the bonds of friendship to take from someone who really can't afford to give, because they can't control themselves when it comes to money. It really makes me long for the days when I had a gun and a uniform that said it was legal . . .

But what can you do with an addict? Drugs, alcohol, gambling, ponzi schemes . . . an addiction is an addiction. Tomorrow, she's going to get on the computer and find some other get-rich-quick scheme. Just more proof of my assertion that a fool and your money will soon be partners. Hell, she's still waiting for her big "investment" in Iraqi dinar to pay off. The fact that the dinar is worthless and some schmuck in Baghdad who needed a hard currency now has hers is, of course, immaterial. The e-mail said she would get rich by buying the currency, so it must be so.

Which begs the question of just how many times someone needs a rock to fall on their head before they start getting the idea that not all is as it is promised, but . . . See the earlier point about addictions. Now, I've been around the block enough times to know that if someone really wants to ride the express elevator to hell, I'm not going to get in their way. I just really resent it, though, when they want to take the rest of us along for the ride.

So, what can I say? "I told you so" is right up there; short, to the point, but somehow so crude. "Just what did you think would happen?" is also a contender, except that it verges on being a rhetorical question. I mean, I already know what she expected to happen, regardless of the fact that a blind man could see it wouldn't. Therein lies the conundrum: there just isn't really anything I can say, and certainly nothing that is going to make any impact. But I do wonder what is going to happen the next time she finds she doesn't have the money to pay things like taxes, because she's thrown it all away on these bogus schemes. Because the next time, there won't be anyone to bail her out.