Don't Worry, We're Just Stopping for Some Ice . . .

You recognize that line, don't you? They come from the Famous Last Words Section, uttered by Captain Smith right after Titanic hit the iceberg. Okay, fine, it's an apocryphal story, at best, but it also seems to sum up the Administration's fumbling of the "Detroit Terror Plot."

In short, we first have Janet Napolitano hold a press conference and say that there was "no indication" that the putz with the bomb on his way to Detroit was involved in any wider plot or had any connections to Al Qaeda. Because, you know, PETN (the explosive compound he had) is so easy to come by. I mean, you can walk into any hardware store anywhere and . . . not get it. But I digress. According to our esteemed head of DHS, the guy was acting all alone. Despite the fact that, more than a month ago, his father came forward and reported to Federal authorities that his son had been "radicalized" and had ties to Al Qaeda. Despite the fact that the guy was on a Federal terror watchlist.

Bang-on job there, Janet, if you'll excuse the pun. And your statement might even have worked if, two days later, the President hadn't come out and said that the guy was linked to Al Qaeda. But, hey, do please keep on telling us that the air transportation system is perfectly safe . . . even though our friend with the bomb in his shorts got the device past two separate checkpoints. Perhaps you'd feel better if you had DHS publish another circular about how the possible rise of home-grown, right-wing terrorism in the U.S. is a bigger threat, and how a sharp eye should be kept on all those NRA members and returning veterans. In a gesture of good faith, I'll even provide you with the fiddle to play . . .

Way to drop the ball, guys.

On the other hand, since it seems that the real threat to America comes from so-called right-wing, conservative Americans and not radicalized individuals and groups from . . . er . . . how do I say this in a politically correct way? . . . certain nations in the Middle East that have a surfeit of a black, gooey substance that powers our industries, runs our cars and pollutes our environment, perhaps now would be a good time to jump sides and avoid the suspicion. Death to America!

Hmm, kind of rolls right off the tongue, doesn't it? Death to America! Try it. Death to America! Short, to the point and, if you use it repeatedly, guaranteed to deflect attention if you're still worried about the PATRIOT Act. Why, I bet that if you tossed it into your conversations often enough, people would hardly notice.

"I need to go to the grocery store and pick up some milk and eggs. Death to America!"

"I was at the mall the other day, and I saw the cutest little leather outfit at Lord & Taylor! Death to America!"

"Tonight, it will be cloudy and very cold, with a wind chill factor around five below zero. But, as we can see from the five day forecast, we'll have a slight warming trend, with temperatures reaching into the mid-thirties by Tuesday. Death to America!"

"Oh, man, that new girl slinging suds down at the bar is hot! Death to America!"

"Man, did you see the way the Packers creamed Arizona last Sunday? I'd hate to be in the Cardinals' locker room after that game. Death to America!"

"Sorry I'm late checking in, but my connecting flight on Jihadi Airways was delayed, death to America! I'm really sorry if I created any problems, death to America! Why, no, I'm certainly not carrying any explosives, why do you ask? Death to America!"

See how easy it is? And I'll bet you hardly noticed the phrase being used, thus proving DHS right. I mean, anyone who runs around screaming "Death to America!" can't really mean it, unless, of course, they're devoted listeners of Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck. Always remember that FoxNews is a bigger threat to the American way of life than those poor, misunderstood Al Qaeda folks, death to America!

I sometimes have to wonder, just what is it going to take for people in this country to wake up? Another incident on the scale of 9/11? Look, let's be real clear on this: not every Muslim in the world is just aching to strap on a bomb and take as many of us out as possible. But there is a significant minority of believers in that religion who are so radicalized that that is exactly what they want to do, and Islam is fractured enough that they can find the justification in the theology. To pretend otherwise is, well, very much akin to explaining that we're just stopping to pick up some ice . . .